THE LESSONS FOUND IN WASTED LOVE
Everyone always called me a hopeless romantic and it's easy to see why. I've been in long relationships throughout my life. As soon as one relationship ended another would begin shortly after. I never wanted a new relationship. I just wanted time to myself but that never happened. I always found myself naturally falling for someone else.
This pattern happened on three different occasions where I made myself vulnerable only to be hurt again and again. When I say hurt I mean beaten to the ground laying there devastated and motionless. On three separate occasions I went through the same emotional beatdown. There were many days that I didn't want to wake up. It sounds dramatic but I really started to question if life was worth living. Although I was going through a lot inside nobody from the outside knew because I refused to let them in.
I always took these breakups hard but I blame it on nobody but myself. When things were going bad I always made an effort to be patient and stay in the situation. I really believed that things would get better as long as we "loved" each other. I thought that eventually I would change or that she would change because we both want the same thing. I convinced myself that being patient and dealing with whatever problems we had was the solution. Problem was that love was not enough. I felt like I always had to live up to this idea of a fairy tale like what you see in every romantic movie. This honeymoon stage only lasts for so long. Once you get to know everything about the person, that's when the honeymoon phase starts to fade. Nothing is new anymore but it's the man's job to keep the spark alive. If he doesn't there's many other men out there who can jump in. From my experience that's all these women were seeking and we were never going to workout. Their tolerance for negativity was far less than mine because it wasn't worth the effort. On the other hand I can withstand so much that I feel like I'm heartless and it's scary at times.
It's easy to think that I've wasted a lot of time being in these relationships that didn't work out but in all reality I needed them. Being patient through those situations opened my eyes to what I like and don't like in a significant other. More importantly I learned what I need from a significant other and what I need to give in return. Once I viewed my misery and failures as lessons I started to live more consciously. Only after I destroyed myself did I start to understand myself. In this process of fixing myself I started to piece together who I really was.
All these relationships that didn't work led me to a woman who has all my heart and I didn't think that would ever be possible. I'm going to marry her one day. I never looked for a fairy tale relationship and neither did she. We've been patient through the tough times not only because of love but because we understand what love is and what love takes because of our past. I fell in love with someone more patient than I am. She's the most patient person I know and I can't wait to go on our actual honeymoon.