MY BATTLE WITH ME, MYSELF & I

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When I think about happiness I think about people who are able to spread positive energy no matter what life throws their way. They are bulletproof to negativity and are always themselves. I am not this way. The smallest things can get to me and for this reason, I don’t think happiness is something I’ve been able to sustain.

I think part of this is because I’m constantly battling with three versions of myself. There’s the person I see, there’s the person other people see, and there’s the person I want other people to see. At one point those three were very close together but these past few years they’ve become farther apart leading me to feel less identified.

THE PERSON I SEE

The person I see is afraid of not knowing where life is heading. He's resourceful and will do so much with so little. He doesn't expect anything from anybody but he loves affection. He keeps his thoughts to himself because he is always second guessing himself. He likes to drink because it makes him think and speak more freely. He values friendships and relationships more than he shows it and this bothers him. He's ambitious and once he sets his mind on something, he won't stop until he has it.

THE PERSON OTHER PEOPLE SEE

The person other people see is cold, emotionless and distant. He is not shy but chooses to close himself off from those he doesn't know. He gets stressed easily and it shows in his body language. He is a lover and he is generous. He is good looking but lacks confidence. He is mature beyond his years but acts like a fool at times. He is a hard worker and he is someone you can confide in. 

THE PERSON I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE

The person I want other people to see is a great man. He is someone who commands the attention of others. He is a leader and someone people look up to for life lessons. He is kind to everyone and treats everyone with respect. He is full of energy and passion and it's contagious to everyone around him. He is a man of his word and he will never let you down.

I don't know how to bring these people together but I know that once I do, I will be happy. I will be whole. I will be me.